A loose bull was reported on a township road descending the long hill into town early this afternoon, prompting what residents are describing as the community page’s most successful single post of the season, The Corn has confirmed.
The original notice, posted by a longtime resident at approximately 1:22 p.m. and consisting of one sentence followed by the words “Heads up!”, drew sixty-seven thumbs-up reactions, three additional reaction types, twenty-seven comments, and an unknown number of private shares within the first two hours, making it, by every available metric, more engaging than any civic election notice posted to the page in living memory.
A Corn reporter contacted regional authorities for comment. A duty officer confirmed that a bull “may or may not” have been observed in the vicinity of the road earlier in the afternoon, declined to speculate as to its destination, and emphasized that members of the public should avoid approaching the animal even if the comments section had begun to refer to it by a name.
The comments section had, by that time, begun to refer to it by a name.
Theories raised in the thread as to the bull’s intended destination included:
- a downtown china shop, in the conventional sense
- a dinner reservation at a steakhouse, in what one commenter clarified was a joke “but also worth checking”
- an unspecified farm in the next concession over, “where he came from in the first place, probably”
- the lakefront, “to cool off”
- the Tim Hortons drive-through, where, a commenter speculated, “he can finally get some service”
A second commenter, identifying themselves as a longtime resident, observed that this was “the most small-town thing” they had ever read on the page and that they were “HERE for it.” The comment received twenty-nine thumbs-up reactions and one reply, in which a third commenter confirmed that they had been “just about to say” the same thing.
By 2:15 p.m., a working consensus had emerged among commenters that the bull, if it had been on the road in the first place, was no longer on the road. No commenter has produced a photograph. Several commenters have produced photographs of cows that are not the bull, including one cow that several commenters agreed was “definitely not him” and one cow that commenters agreed was “his cousin maybe.”
A spokesperson for a regional farm reached for comment confirmed that a bull belonging to the farm had, at some point earlier in the day, exited its enclosure, traveled an unspecified distance, and subsequently been recovered by farm staff. The spokesperson declined to confirm whether the bull had at any point reached the township road, whether the bull had at any point approached town, or whether the bull was, in any sense, the same bull described in the post.
Asked whether the bull was alright, the spokesperson confirmed the bull was alright.
The post remains the page’s top item by engagement. A subsequent post about the township budget consultation, made forty minutes later, has, as of press time, received two reactions.
The Corn is a satirical publication. All persons, businesses, and events depicted are fictional or fictionalized. Any resemblance to actual residents or local establishments is coincidental and affectionate.