A white cargo van parked behind a local grocery store has now gone unattended for over 36 hours, plunging the community into what residents are describing as “the most pressing security crisis since the gazebo incident.”

The vehicle was first noticed Tuesday afternoon by a longtime resident, who has since driven past it on at least three separate occasions to confirm it remains in place.

“I called the non-emergency line,” the resident told The Corn. “They said it was ‘probably someone’s van.’ That is exactly what they would say.”

Durham Regional Police have declined to escalate the matter, citing the van’s full compliance with all municipal parking regulations and the fact that it is, by every available metric, just a van.